Hot Damn!!!

It makes feel so happy when the day is so pretty like this.. It is kinda chilly still but not too bad.. How am I doing you ask? Just fine.. I had the KEWLEST thing happen last night!! Missha my cousin came to work out with me plus it was Friday and that's family night so she brought Kelsey so the kids could play in the pool.. Well when she walked up to the gym to meet me she said "OMG Kristie, How much weight have you lost??!!" and I was like NOOOOO you can't tell!! and she said "YES I CAN"!! It made me feel so good.. I still can't "see" it but I can tell in my clothes.. Allen says he can tell when he hugs me.. AWWWWW!!!! It does make me feel good to hear those things.. That is the kinda encouragement I love.. I don't like people telling me what to eat and what not to eat etc.. The more encouraging postive words I hear the better.. I mean don't get me wrong I love advice!! I just really like the compliments!!! Last nights workout wasn't really that intense as it usually is.. I was waiting on "MISS LATE GIRL" to get to the gym!!! LOL... I got there before Missha did so I walked about 10 laps which is a mile and then I stretched and got on the bike for about 10 min and then the precore for about 4 or so and then we went downstairs so the kids could play in the pool and play racketball.. Then Missha and I got in the steam room where we stayed until we almost got TOOOOOO HOT!!! LOL.. Luckily we got out before we died!

Thursday BABEE!!!

I tried to talk myself out of going to the gym today but I didn't!!! I wanted to go early because I had some stuff I wanted to do this afternoon but I went ahead and met Susan at our normal time (5ish) Of course now I am so glad I went I feel sooooo good now!! Today was really the first day I tried to talk myself out of going though.. I think I didn't want to go because Aunt Flo is visiting and I was just so darn tired feeling. I am going tomorrow and taking Bradyn and one of his friends because it's family night.. He is so excited!!

Oh Lordy!! I am so tired!!!

Whew.. I just got back from the gym an hour ago or so and man oh man I am EXHAUSTED I did my normal workout but tried to add a few min. here and there.. Plus I added a little extra weights.. I stayed in the steam room for about 15 min or so and now I just want to rest!!!! Don't get me wrong I feel great just tired.. Infact I feel better and better each day.. I have more energy and my mind seems clearer.. Anyway.. Just thought I would update everyone..

I could really use some encouraging words or advice if anyone has any to throw out there at me.. I love getting comments on my posts!! Thanks so much to all my blog viewers out there:)

I worked out again today!!!

Ok so Monday I didn't work out because well I guess there is no real excuse other than I just didn't.. Allen came home from work sick, I was tired.. yada yada yada.. I didn't eat real well that day either!! But today I went to the gym with Quey and had a great work out.. I went to Walmart yesterday and bought some new shoes to work out in.. I don't really like them. They kinda look like Orthepedic shoes but they have pretty good support in them.. Susan and I are going to get some KEWL looking sporty support shoes in a few weeks.. But for now these are JUST FINE.. My legs actually did NOT hurt so I know they are helping during my work outs.. I didn't realize how IMPORTANT shoes really are!!! They made all the difference. I felt like I could do more and I did!! woooohoooooooo I have been feeling a little discouraged lately.. I am trying sooo hard not to.. but in one my earlier posts I mentioned the "number" not looking like they are coming off.. I talked with one of the trainers and she promised me that in a month or so when I weigh that I WILL see some numbers dropping.. She said it just takes time.. She says she is really proud of me and to not give up and I do know she is right but like I said before.. When you are fat and are trying to loose weight you just want to see those numbers going down!! I can tell in my clothes though..
I saw a guy who I went to school with and was also the brother of a guy I dated at the gym.. I was like OHHHH NOOOOOOOO.. I had seen him before but I didn't speak to him because I just knew he wouldn't recognize my fat self.. But he came over and spoke to me.. I was kinda embarrased but oh well..

Whew.. all is good!!!!

I was sort of worried about nothing.. Turns out I am just fine.. I went to the Dr today and she took my BP and it was fine!! She said they were probably not using the right cuff. Being overweight I have to use a larger BP cuff to take an accurate reading and the people that took mine didn't use a larger cuff.... They also did a few other tests and all was good with them as well.. I feel much better now.. I didn't work out today though.. Allen came home sick so I stayed with him..

A little funny about my silly husband: So last night I was crying and all worried and he says "Kristie you worry so much.. Your always doom's daying it up" I told my Dr that and she laughed and before she walked out the door she said.. "Now try not to dooms day it up ok".. LOL!!!

Ok now I am worried..

I didn't mention this in my earlier post and well I wasn't going to mention it at all because I thought it was a fluke.. BUT yesterday at the expo I had my BP taken.. I have NEVER EVER had BP problems at all but on this day my BP was 134/104!! It was taken with one of those machines so I didn't think much about it.. Well today after my workout I went and had it taken again by a trainer and it was 134/100 (scared the shit out of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I went home worried. I took a nap worried and I woke up from my nap worried.. I called mama and went over to use her BP cuff and it read 197/114 OMG I don't know what to do.. I am so upset which is probably making it rise that much more.. Here I am working my fucking ass off and NOW I have high blood pressure.. What the crap??????????????????? Mama said I felt hot so maybe it was because I was getting sick but when I have ever been sick before it wasn't high like this.. I am going to the Dr tommorow. I am so scared.

Hello out there!!!!!!!!!

Well it's Sunday!! I had sooooooooooo much fun yesterday at the Spirit of Women expo.. I learned a ton and got a crap load of freebies PLUS I bought a GORGEOUS necklace and earring set from Kim Gambrell the artist/owner of Fruition. Not only is she uber talented but she was also really sweet!.. I am telling you ladies.. She rocks!!!!! I can NOT wait to wear it! Here is a pic of it!! I totally deserved it:)!!! Along with my necklace and freebies I also went to a few "classes" I went to a class on learning how to pick out the right excersize/walking shoes for me, and one on skin care, and then one on gardening and well since I am not a gardener at all Susan and I sent dirty text messages to each other during it.. ROFL!! It was so funny I thought I was going to have to leave the class because I was about to bust out laughing a couple of times!! LOL!!! I also got my blood sugar tested and it was a 100 which the lady said was perfect!! OH YEA I AM PERFECT! teee heee!! Then I got my bone density tested and I scored a 2.2 which was way off the charts great!!! I was so tickled.. She said my bones were in excellent condition!! OH YEA ANOTHER PERFECT SCORE!! LOL.. I am going to the gym today with Susan.. I kinda hurt my knee last week (which we found out was because we are NOT wearing the right kind of shoes) so I am going but I am going to try not to do anything that will have a big impact on my knees..

TGIF!!!

Friday is here! Friday is here!!!! I have done really good with my excercising this week!! I worked out Thursday and tonight! I can honestly say that I didn't really want to go tonight.. I just didn't feel like it.. But I made myself go.. I do feel better since I went though. It was family night again so after my workout and steam room I took him to the pool and let him swim and then we played raquetball again. It was fun but my body was just a little more tired tonight than usual.. Not sure why that is.. Maybe it was just a mental thing since I really didn't want to go in the first place.. This is the first night I really didn't feel like going.. I was just really tired today for some reason. I still haven't been eating all that great yet.. But that is coming.. Dieting make me feel like I am being punished and I don't want that feeling. Anyway that's all for tonight. I think I will go to bed a little early since tomorrow I am getting up early and going to a woman's convention tomorrow:)

I didn't do well today..

I forgot to add this in my last post so I will say it here.. I didn't do well with eating today or exercising.. I ended up not going to the gym today and I had donuts, 2 hamburgers and a lean cuisine meal all in one day.. I think I am just really nervous.. Tomorrow I have to testify in court and that is all I thought about today.. I am not nervous as to what I am going to say because all I can say is the truth but what I am nervous about is getting in front of people and talking.. That is totally me being self conscious about my body. It is something I have to do for my family though.. Anyway just thought I would add that in since I want this to be an honest blog about my weight loss journey..

HELLO HELLO HELLO!!!

I could have sworn I posted yesterday but I guess not!! Sorry about that! How am I today?? Well let's see.. I feel pretty good. Bradyn has been sick so that kinda sucks but he is much better today. I worked out Sunday night and last night and I will probably go again tonight.. I had a great time last night. I found my ipod so I had some kickin' tunes to jam out too.. A couple of times I caught myself semi dancing as I was riding the precore (I did it for a whole 4 min again!!! ) and I giggled because I am sure people saw me... I have been thinking about goals again. I actually forgot to mention this goal when I first listed them. I WOULD LOVE TO WEIGH LESS THAN 200 LBS!! I dont' think I have weighed less than 200 lbs since I was a teenager. God that would feel so good to get on those scales and see 199.999999999 instead of a big honkin' 200 number.. So right now I have to loose about 79lbs or so to see my miracle number.. I know that a lot of trainers and such say.. "Don't look at the numbers because muscle weighs more than fat blah blah blah blah blah" but if you have ever been overweight like me.. Numbers do play a very important role in weight loss.. I know before when I was loosing it the wrong way I would weigh myself EVERY DAY more than once a day!! After a binge I would purge it and then weigh again.. I know it is so sick isn't it??!!??!! I have only weighed myself twice since I have started all this which is pretty good but I weighed on my mom's scales which don't weigh me the same as the Wellness Center ones do so I really don't know for sure the exact number.. All I know is this shit is coming OFF!!! I have done pretty well with my eating I still eat what I want but I try not to eat so much of it. I also was supposed to go to Overeaters Anonymous today but Bradyn is still sick and Allen didn't want him to go to school today since it is sooooooooooo freakin' cold here. I was kinda bummed about it too because I was kinda excited about going and getting some things off my chest.. Posting things here does help but it doesn't compare much to talking to someone who can really relate to what I am going through..

Wow I am really feeling good!!!

It's Sunday!! Susan texted me earlier today and wanted to know if I was going to work out.. I hadn't planned on it because I thought it was closed on Sunday and let's face it.. Who really WANTS to work out on Sunday? But I went ahead and went because I knew I needed to and I am sooo glad I did.. I really am energized and relaxed all at once.. After my work out I got in the steam room and there was another lady in there.. We were talking for min and then she says "you can get the steam going if you want to? I am like, what the crap.. I thought it was going.. Here I am sweating like crazy.. But little did I know that when I poured water over this little knob thingy that a CRAZY amount of steam would come.. So much infact that I couldn't see her anymore OR MY FEET!! LOL.. I had gotten in the steam room a few times before and NEVER knew that I had to actually pour water on the little thingy to get it to work!!! I thought I was doing good before!! LOL.. But yea I was a sweating fool when all that steam came rising up!!! It felt really good and helped relax my muscles after my work out. My goals for next week are: to work out 5 times.. I did that this week already and I want to make sure I do the same for next week.. I also want to start encorporating some fruits and veggies into my day. I really don't eat as much of that as I need too.. So that is my plan for next week..

It's a Chilly Willy Saturday here!!!

YIKES.. It is sooo cold here!!! But this ain't no (like my southern accent coming through there:) blog about weather! So how am I doing? Great!! I feel sooo much better! I worked out last night with Susan and Devyn and it really did feel good..I walked around the track for 3/4 of a mile then I actually did 3 whole freakin' minutes on the dreaded Precore machine! I was very proud of that! I walked for 10 min on the treadmill then 3 min on the bike (by this time I was pretty tired, I probably should have stayed on the bike) then I did my weights. I increased the amount of weights I was doing by just a teeny bit. And then I hit the steam room... I love the steam room! BUT before all that Bradyn and I played a little Racketball and I let him play in the pool because it was family night. He had so much fun especially playing Racketball because he laughed at me the whole time.. teee heee! I have lost a little weight but I won't say how much yet.. I am going to try not to weigh myself a lot.. It is hard because I want to know so badly but I really need to wait to weigh maybe every 3 weeks or so.. I know in the past when I was loosing it the wrong way I would weigh myself several times a day.. That wasn't healthy for me but neither was throwing up to loose weight, right??? Anyway... I really do feel so much better today... I think working out really helps!

Kinda down today.

Not sure why but I just am.. I didn't work out yesterday and I kinda felt guilty about it.. I have no excuse other than my legs were so sore they hurt at just the slightest move.. Which is kinda a good feeling because I know they are sore for a good reason but still it did hurt so bad.. Bradyn is sick today and I was supposed to go at lunch time with Devyn but I had to pick him up from school because he was throwing up.. GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Allen is coming home today so hopefully he will be home in time for me to go tonight.. It is soooo cold outside or I would be walking!!! I can't beleive how dang cold it is today!! So yea I feel kinda sucky today.. Anyway.. I just wanted to put in a little update.. I am NOT quiting though.. I know doing my work outs and eating better will make me a much healthier me and that's all I can ask for!

Tuesday

Oh man, early this morning was a tough one for our family.. My brother Casey was at the ER from about 12:30 to about 4am or so.. It was a long night.. Bradyn ended up staying home with me because I was so tired. We went to check on him at my dad's house and he seemed better just really tired and really sore.. He had a really really bad reaction to a medication he took a little too much of not knowing that he didn't need to do that.. He thought it would help him sleep and it really wasn't designed just for that.. So anyway.. That was really rough.. So I slept late today and then Bradyn and I got up and went to see him and then after that I went to the gym.. For some reason when I was walking the track and would pass the Precore machine I would growl.. Hmmm I wonder why?? LOL.. Susan was with me today.. It was funny because I didn't even know she was there.. She didn't know I was there either and we were both walking around the track!!! LOL.. Devyn (Susan's neice) was also there for her assessment.. I think it will be a lot of fun and motivation for all of us.. Lord knows I need all I can get!!! Susan and I walked around about 9 times and then got on the Precore.. She and I both were laughing at the horribleness of our fitness on this machine!! We both felt really weird when we got off.. We both did it to about 2.5 min or so... I asked the trainer again if it would get better and he said it would and to keep at it.. So that's my plan.. I AM GOING TO GO 10 MIN ON THAT THING ONE DAY!!!!!!! I look around and see all these people going so fast for so long on that thing and here I am my measly 2.5 min!!! GEEEESH!!! Then we walked a little more and did our weights. It was a good work out though I felt it and was really sweaty.. I think tomorrow I will skip and walk at home instead.. I don't wan to over due it to much.. I think 4 days a week and walking at home is good for the first few weeks and then bump it up slowly so I don't hurt myself too badly.. Although when I watch the Biggest Loser and all those shows they sure don't go easy on them!!!!!

It's Monday!!!

I had a good weekend. I didn't do much though. I am going to probably take a break from the blog on weekends and just keep updating during the week.. We will see how that goes for now.

YOWZERZ!!! I had my first official work out today at the Wellness Center and OMG it kicked my tail!! Regina set me a plan to kinda follow as I go.. I start off walking a 3/4mile and then get on the Precore machine.. OMG that MACHINE WAS PAINFULLY EXHAUSTING!! I couldn't do the 10 min she had set for me I could only do 3 for now!! WOW it moved muscles I didn't think I had!!! My legs were like spagetti and I was shaking a little so I knew I needed to get off that machine.. So after that I walked slowly to let my heart rate slow down abit and to also help stop the shaking in my legs.. LOL.. Then I did some weight lifting.. I actually didn't get to finish all the cardio Regina set for me because my legs felt so bad but one of the other trainers I was talking too, who's name excapes me, told me that was perfectly fine and normal and that if I do too much too soon I could get hurt or just get burned out. I told her I felt like I failed working out today but she said.. "Kristie, you are here and that is NOT failing in my book".. She is such a sweet person and I feel bad I can't remember her name!!!!!!! Anyway we finished off with a little more walking.. She actually walked around the course with me... Now it's almost 6:30pm and Bradyn has a Cub Scout meeting..

It's Saturday!!

My assessment yesterday at the gym went fine.. I actually weighed a few pounds less than I had thought. 286 to be exact.. My blood pressure was just perfect, my strength was fine but needs improvement my body fat percentage was UM NO SO GREAT!!! LOL... It was like 45% YIKES!!!! I really really enjoyed the whole thing really.. The people were so nice and encouraging they were so helpful and showed me all I needed to know. I left there feeling a lot less nervous and a ton more excited and ready for my journey. I told Regina,the lady that was doing my assessment, that I didn't want to "diet" because I didn't think they really worked.. I told her I wanted to eat healthy but still get to enjoy the things I like to eat. She said that was a great outlook to have and that I should still eat things that I liked but only in moderation. I totally agree.. She also said that one of the big keys in loosing weight and getting healthy (besides eating healthier) is to stay active. No not excercising 23 hours a day but not sitting on the couch or in the bed all day.. She said just by cleaning the house you get some sort of excercise. But any of you ever come over to my house don't DARE expect it to be spotless!!!! LOL.. I ain't gonna be cleaning all damn day:)
I ended up going bed last night around 8:30pm!!! HOLY COW that is crazy early for me but OMG I was exhausted both physically and mentally.. I didn't really do a big work out yesterday but I was there for about 2 hours just going over things and taking tests and such.. I had so many things running through my mind all day yesterday. It was a big day for me! Today's goal: I am going to go for a walk with Bradyn and hopefully get Allen to join us!!

A little about today's quote of the day: I like little funny encouraging or funny quotes but today's quote isn't either really.. It's just a statement that I really relate to. I have an eating disorder. I have had it for about 15 years. I don't talk about it to a whole lot of people but I think in order to do this and get healthy both body and mind that I needed to talk about this.. I have Bulimia. There I said it. I have this burning feeling inside whenever I eat too much to get it OUT of my system. I have seen professional for it although I think either he wasn't the right one for me or maybe I was really scared but I quit going to him. I had a painful childhood and that does still eat at me sometimes I guess.. I don't really think about things that happened when I was little but I think subconsciously it is still there and that is what causes me to be depressed. I do NOT blame my mom or my dad for things that happened when I was little.. They did the best they knew how to do. I do know that to get through this I probably need to see a professional but I need to find one that I am comfortable with and who I trust in helping me deal with all the pain.

IT'S WORK OUT DAY!!!!!!

My head is telling me WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! My body is saying OHHHHHH GOD IT'S GONNA HURT!!! But for now my head is outweighing my overweight body for a change!! I am truly excited.. I had trouble sleeping last night but that's really not that unusual.. What was unusual was that I was thinking about today and how I know it's gonna be the start of a new life for me. I am not saying that joining a gym is gonna change it all because for a lot of people ME INCLUDED ya start of right and then ya just get sick of it.. I guess what I am saying is that it's not the gym that is going to change me it's ME that's going to change me and that is super kewl!

This morning I am sitting here again trying to get awake and having me a piping hot bowl of oatmeal which is VERY diffrent because I NEVER eat in the morning.. I usually don't put a thing in my body to eat until after 2 or so because for one I sleep late and then for another I just don't feel like eating until then which I KNOW IS SOOO NOT GOOD FOR MY BODY.. Oh and did I stick with my goal and NOT go back to sleep yesterday.. Well sort of.. I was all the way up until about 1 or so and my eyes kept trying to close on me so I ended up dosing off for about an hour or so before having to go pick up Bradyn.. So that's not to bad at least it wasn't all damn day long.. I know that lack of sleep at night really is the cause of that so my goal for today is to NOT go to bed until 11am that may seem late to some but to me that is OLD PERSON EARLY!! LOL.. I am such a night owl!!!!!! Ok well I am off to start my day.. I go to the Wellness Center at 11am for my assessment! Wish me luck!! Wait what am I saying.. LUCK AIN'T GOT SHIT TO DO WITH THIS!! This is all me baby!!!

Goals??? What the hell are they anyway!!!

I have been thinking of my goals today and wondering what is a goal exactly.. An unattainable dream? A fairytale? Don't get me wrong.. I know what the meaning of goal is but good grief how many goals can one person have and how many times have you had a goal and NOT reached it.. I am not about to make a goal and not reach it this time.. I have invested to much of my life already trying to grab hold of something I want so bad knowing full well that I won't really work hard enough for it.. I thought and thought about my goals in this and I have come up with these.. (if you are reading this and have never been obese...omg I hate that word.... then you probably won't relate to this but that's ok I want to share this with everyone so that they can maybe understand a little about the difficulties of being big)

Of course my main goal is to be healthy.. I don't care about being skinny.. I just want to feel good..but some other things I would love to be able to do are and yea these may not be goals per say but they kinda are to me.. So in no particular order here they are..
1. Being able to wear pretty clothes.. You know like the awesomely hot dresses in the Reed's department store window?
2. Being able to wear boots.. I am not talking about ankle boots.. I am talking about knee boots.. I am too big to fit in regular size ones from the department stores.. I would have to special order them and I am NOT doing that!!!
3.. Being able to go somewhere and eat and not look around to see if anyone is watching me eat.
4. Be able to run fast with Bradyn.. I absolutely can NOT wait for this one.. I want him to have his mama right beside him running fast in my dad's pasture feeling the air in my hair and not be so winded that I have to stop in 2 seconds.. That would be kewl!!
5. I love amusment parks but the whole time I am there.. and I mean it just about the whole damn time... I am thinking to myself.. OH GOD I hope I can fit in the seat and buckle the seat belt on the rides.. So it would be really nice if I could go and not even think about the whole fitting in the seat thing and just have a great time!

Ok that's it for now.. Not that I don't have a ton more I can list but I will list them as I go along in my journey..

Here's to today..

It's early in the morning.. TOO EARLY!! LOL.. About 8am.. I am sitting here trying to get awake all the way.. I am eating a bowl of oatmeal and yea coke!!! LOL.. Not healthy I know but I gotta start somewhere!!! I am going to try NOT to go back to bed today.. That is my goal for today.. I usually would drop Bradyn off for school get back into bed and go back to sleep for most of the day.. Reason being?? Depression maybe, lack of sleep at night maybe. I don't know.. All I do know is I don't want to sleep anymore of my life away. It's my time to live it.

A little about me..

Me last Christmas.. This is the closest I will get to an actual photo of my whole body..
Here I am 31 years old and I weigh 289lbs.... I have been overweight my whole life! I feel shitty and I look shitty. I am so sick and tired of being like this.. I lay in the bed for most of the day just because I don't want to face the world. I have suffered from an eating disorder for almost half my life. What kind of life is this? I have tried every freaking diet I can think of and I have failed at all of them.. Now it's time for me.. It's time for me to take charge of MY LIFE and stop all this crap. I AM IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE.. I CAN DO THIS! I WILL DO THIS! I HAVE TO DO THIS! I NEED TO DO THIS! I am joining a gym on Friday. I am have so many feelings going on about this.. I am scared to death but I am super excited all at the same time. I really owe a lot of this new found attitude to Ruby from the Style Network.. WOW what can I say.. She is an amazing woman who happens to be obese. At the start of her show she weight probably around 500lbs it is so inspirational to see her struggle like I do but some how she keeps on going.. She doesn't give up when she really wants too.. She also has an amazing support system and we are a lot alike in that way.. I have an amazing bunch of family and friends who are all behind me through this..