The Precore machine is my bitch!!!!

LOL.. I totally rocked the Precore Friday night.. I can usually only do like maybe 5 min but I don't know what it was but Friday night I kept going and going and going... I hit over 15min!! HOT DAMN!!! I was just soooo freakin' excited about that.. That dang machine has been the devil to me since I started working out there.. It hurt so bad to exercise on it.. Susan also stayed on it for 15 min.. It hurts her too.. The funny thing was for her is that she was riding the heck out of it BACKWARDS and had no idea.. She looked so funny hanging on for dear life just a peddling!! LOL.. Our trainer came over and told her she was riding backwards and maybe going forwards would be easier.. I lauged so hard I almost fell off!! LOL

It's Thursday!!!!

I am really feeling good these days.. Well except for having my monthly visitor (TMI?????) LOL!!!! I can really tell I am loosing.. I wish it would come off a heck of a lot faster though!!!!!!!! I put on my size 22 jeans the other day and I COULD BUTTON THEM!! HOT DIGGITY DAWG.. Now let me say this.. They were not really loose or anything but still I could button them!! LOL.. I wanted to say thank you to all my readers who are following along and who give me lots of support during this.. It is hard and sometimes I want to quit but the urge to stop isn't overwhelming anymore.. I feel really good about that.. I really do enjoy working out.. I have lots of energy afterwards. So in the words of the wise Martha Stewart "that's a good thing".

A big thank you goes out to my cousin Dawn E. Lou!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!

I also wanted to say Hi to Millie and Leigh!! So HI MILLIE AND LEIGH!! We should go to lunch someday!!!!

Hey this kinda sounds like I am accepting some sort of an award doesn't it.. Hell maybe I am!!!

Life...

Life is so very very precious and I think we all take it for granted sometimes..Well I can't say "we" all I can only speak for myself.. I TAKE IT FOR GRANTED SOMETIMES! I kinda had a wake up call so to speak today.. I have a friend and her name is Stacy Barber.. Stacy has battled cancer for a long time.. It finally won.. She lost her battle last night.. Cancer is so damn cruel.. It invades our bodies and takes steals the very life God gave us.. Hearing this news today made me really sit and think.. I thought about my life and how much I spend of it doing nothing to better it.. Don't get me wrong I am working my ass off at the gym but in other ways I mean.. I am sitting here with the world at my fingertips and I keep washing my hands of it.. Stacy's life was cut short.. She was only 31 years young. It scares me.

What a crazy few days!!!

I worked out tonight but I hadn't been to the gym since last Thursday!! I worked out with D and that man made me soo sore.. I felt like I was sick for a few days after.. Literally SICK!!! I had a bit of a fever too!! Also Bradyn has been a bit of a handful as well!! He has been going through a HORRIBLE phase!!! But all is better right now. I feel much better now that I went and worked out tonight!! It was tough since I hadn't been in a few days but still it felt good!!

Holy Sore Body Batman!!!!

WOW!! I am soooo freakin' sore today... I didn't know if I would make it working out tonight but I really needed to go to maybe walk some of this soreness out.. I worked out with D Yesterday and he really made Q and I work our tails off!! I am still doing really well with my workouts and I have added a few more veggies and fruits to my day.. But how I wish I could wiggle my nose like a Genie and POOF... I would be all fit and healthy!! This is sooo hard especially since I can hardly move right now!!!

Been Thinking...

Can one overcome an eating disorder on there on??? I don't know the answer to that.. I just don't know.. I have tried therapies and well I just don't like them.. but who really loves to go to therapy and have deal with all their personal crap?? I have done so well with my exercising ...but the eating part???...well that is another story in itself.. I am not binging on things like I did so that is GREAT. I still do feel the urge to purge sometimes though.. I am trying soooo damn hard during my workouts and it makes me mad to damn well know I should NOT eat a certain thing and then I do eat it and I just want it out of my body! But then part of me doesn't want to have to monitor ever freakin' thing I eat.. I mean good grief who wants to do that all the time!!!!!????!!! I WANT TO BE ABLE TO EAT WHAT I WANT AND NOT FEEL ASHAMED ABOUT IT.. I know it's moderation but with me I STILL feel bad even if I have a few bites of it!! GRRRRRRRR What is freakin' wrong with me!!!?? Why is food such an obstacle with me??? Some people say "you should eat to live not live to eat" but what the crap does that really mean.. I don't live to eat but I like to eat.. Is that really wrong?

Didya think I forgot about blogging??!!!!???!

Nope!! I am still here and working hard!! I still haven't really gotten into the eating completely healthy yet but my workouts are awesome and I am really really loving it!! I am so nervous about going today though.. I think I mentioned before that I was going to work out with Dee well I got sick that next day and didn't feel good at all so I didn't go.. I did walk in my neighborhood though but I just didn't go to work out with him.. I think part of it was an excuse so I didn't have to go because I am so scared!!! I think the thing I am "afraid" of the most is people looking at me while I am working out with him.. When you work out with a trainer everyone can hear their voices in the whole place so you kinda stand out but when I am doing cardio alone I kinda blend in.. I think that is the main reason why worry so much about going.. I am going to start adding more fruits and more healthier things to my diet each week.. Allen's Chiropractor used to work for the Ole Miss Athletic Department and he worked up a sheet for Allen to go by as far as what are good things for him to eat and bad things that work with his blood type.. He is going to do the same for Bradyn and I so hopefully I can do better with the eating thing.. I just love to eat so much but I guess I need to start doing better with that. I mean good grief I work my ass off at the gym I should care a little more about what I put into my body, right??!!??!!

Wow.. I think I can really tell now!!!

I was beginning to think I was never going to be able to tell that I had lost weight!!! I felt like Ruby felt when she said she had lost 60lbs but couldn't tell at all.. But last night I had to go to somewhere and after I put on my clothes I could tell they were loose so I looked at myself in the mirror and I can tell!!!! WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! It feels so good to get all those sweet compliments too!! It really motivates me!!!! I worked out last night and then today Missha and I are meeting Susan and Devyn at the gym! It's a girly workout day!!

FEELING FINE!!

I just knew I would have a better day today and I DID!!! LOL.. I went to the gym today and found out I am working out TOOOOOOO MUCH!! WHAT THE HELL????? DEE one one of my trainers (a hot ass looking guy too!!!) told me NOT to do weights/strength training everyday!!! He said that my cardio is great everyday but not to do the weighs every time I come to the gym which is usually about 5 days a week and I had been doing that!!!! No wonder I am not loosing hardly any weight.. I mean yea I am loosing it but I am gaining more muscles to quickly.. He said to only do my strength training 2 to maybe 3 days a week!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Oh and get this.. Dee also trained Nicole my cousin and Nicole told me to "yea introduce yourself to Dee and tell him to work your ass off like he did mine".. So today I introduced myself to him and told him what she said and I was kidding.. I really didn't want him to work my ass off.. Well he wants Susan and I to meet him on Friday!! OH MYLANTA!!! What have I gotten myself into.. He is hardcore!!!! I AM SCARED!!! LOL

UGH.. Not a good day!

I guess we can't always have great days can we???!!!!???!!!! And today for me, wasn't one of them!!!! I got a call this morning around 11am saying that Bradyn was sick so I went to pick him up from school. My plan for the day was to go to work at the school for a few hours, go work out, go buy my dad a cake because it's his birthday today and then go to his house to celebrate.. Well since my poor baby was sick I stayed home with him and had an eating fest!!!!! I did go pick up daddy's cake earlier this morning and it was just sitting there all by it's little lonesome all day!! I should have put it in the freezer or something but I kept telling my self "no it won't taste the same, it will go to waste" knowing full damn well it would be absolutely freakin' fine!!! Well when I brought Bradyn home he sees the cake and wants it bad.. That is our weakness, BIG TIME!! I told him if he felt better I would give him some.. I guess deep inside I wanted him to feel better so bad so we could eat cake! I know how sick is that, right! I tell you though... CAKE... sitting there untouched in my family is like having mounds of money all around and your not supposed to spend it!! It is torture!!!!! He threw up on and off during the day but kept wanting a little cake.. So what did I do??? Do you even have to ask that ??? Yes, I cut into that sucker like I was a homicidal maniac!!! We didn't eat it all but we had a few pieces... I felt bad about it.. I wanted to get it up and get it out of my system... I felt like I had commited the worst crime ever!! I don't know why food is such an addiction for me.. I don't consider it a comfort.. I don't feel comforted when I eat it.. I usually feel so freakin' guilty about it.. So here I am sitting here.. Feeling like a complete failure.. All because of one little day! One little day of mess ups and I feel like all is lost.. I know it's not.. Tomorrow will probably be brighter for me but still.. I hate feeling like this! DAMN THE MAKERS OF CAKE!!!!

I love Bradyn!!!

Bradyn wants to see his name on the computer! So here it is! I love you Bradyn!

I forgot to say this on my last post!

Picture This: I am walking really fast on the treadmill and I was really getting it too!! I was enjoying the melody of dance music on my ipod. I was really feeling the burn but it felt good.. I was enjoying it so much and I was so proud of myself because I was not wanting to stop, I wasn't out of breath, I WANTED TO KEEP GOING!!! So I started smiling and giggling a little and then I was like... OH CRAP.. I am sure everyone heard me.. You know when you have headphones in your ears you don't really hear yourself good.. LOL!! But who cares what they think, right!!! LOL.. I just thought that was funny..

I had a great work out today!

I went to the gym today and met Dev and one of her friends. I did my normal but I probably walked a little more because I was waiting on her to get there. After our workout we hit the steam room and sweated like crazy!! I love getting in that thing.. At first it kinda takes my breath away but after a min or so it feels so good... I have also done really well with my eating disorder.. I haven't felt the urge to get rid of any food or anything so that is great for me!!! I plan on going to Over Eaters Anonymous this week.. Wednesday to be exact.. I really wish Allen would go workout with me.. His back hurts a lot and he doesn't feel good a lot too. I am going to try and talk him into it.. Just for a few days maybe he will like it.. He has a membership now to a gym in New Albany but he NEVER EVER goes!!!! Hopefully his membership will run out soon so he won't have to pay for it anymore and he can go with me to the Wellness Center!