Tuesday, February 3, 2009

UGH.. Not a good day!

I guess we can't always have great days can we???!!!!???!!!! And today for me, wasn't one of them!!!! I got a call this morning around 11am saying that Bradyn was sick so I went to pick him up from school. My plan for the day was to go to work at the school for a few hours, go work out, go buy my dad a cake because it's his birthday today and then go to his house to celebrate.. Well since my poor baby was sick I stayed home with him and had an eating fest!!!!! I did go pick up daddy's cake earlier this morning and it was just sitting there all by it's little lonesome all day!! I should have put it in the freezer or something but I kept telling my self "no it won't taste the same, it will go to waste" knowing full damn well it would be absolutely freakin' fine!!! Well when I brought Bradyn home he sees the cake and wants it bad.. That is our weakness, BIG TIME!! I told him if he felt better I would give him some.. I guess deep inside I wanted him to feel better so bad so we could eat cake! I know how sick is that, right! I tell you though... CAKE... sitting there untouched in my family is like having mounds of money all around and your not supposed to spend it!! It is torture!!!!! He threw up on and off during the day but kept wanting a little cake.. So what did I do??? Do you even have to ask that ??? Yes, I cut into that sucker like I was a homicidal maniac!!! We didn't eat it all but we had a few pieces... I felt bad about it.. I wanted to get it up and get it out of my system... I felt like I had commited the worst crime ever!! I don't know why food is such an addiction for me.. I don't consider it a comfort.. I don't feel comforted when I eat it.. I usually feel so freakin' guilty about it.. So here I am sitting here.. Feeling like a complete failure.. All because of one little day! One little day of mess ups and I feel like all is lost.. I know it's not.. Tomorrow will probably be brighter for me but still.. I hate feeling like this! DAMN THE MAKERS OF CAKE!!!!

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