Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Been Thinking...

Can one overcome an eating disorder on there on??? I don't know the answer to that.. I just don't know.. I have tried therapies and well I just don't like them.. but who really loves to go to therapy and have deal with all their personal crap?? I have done so well with my exercising ...but the eating part???...well that is another story in itself.. I am not binging on things like I did so that is GREAT. I still do feel the urge to purge sometimes though.. I am trying soooo damn hard during my workouts and it makes me mad to damn well know I should NOT eat a certain thing and then I do eat it and I just want it out of my body! But then part of me doesn't want to have to monitor ever freakin' thing I eat.. I mean good grief who wants to do that all the time!!!!!????!!! I WANT TO BE ABLE TO EAT WHAT I WANT AND NOT FEEL ASHAMED ABOUT IT.. I know it's moderation but with me I STILL feel bad even if I have a few bites of it!! GRRRRRRRR What is freakin' wrong with me!!!?? Why is food such an obstacle with me??? Some people say "you should eat to live not live to eat" but what the crap does that really mean.. I don't live to eat but I like to eat.. Is that really wrong?

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